Breathing

February 26, 2015

I have just discovered that having too many options can make you feel sad. Choices are always difficult, so people coast along at whatever rate they are comfortable with. Unfortunately, my default speed is very very very slow. Happy is watching trees grow, and I don’t mean taugeh.

Someone once told me that I’m very steady… little do they know it’s also my curse.

I probably need the roof to cave in first.

Also: I never lied. Don’t pin your delusions on me.

Advertisements

I be animal lover

December 12, 2010

Here be science. Warning: Involves severed dog head.

Link!

As fascinating as it is, I can’t seem to make myself watch it a second time. There’s supposed to be a monkey version too D:

Relevant

September 16, 2010

From here

The Procrastinator Song
by ~doorfromheaven

I should be doing homework—but I’d rather watch T.V.
Though, there’s nothing on. I could always put in a movie.
Maybe it’s a sign that I should get some work done
But the more I think about it—it just doesn’t sound all that fun.

The pile of dishes is slowly growing, but I don’t really care
No matter where I go—they’ll always just be there.
I guess I could wash them, but then they’ll just get dirty again
Oh when, oh when, does this work ever end?

I have a test to study for—a book I still need to read
But I’d rather just sit here, and ponder all I actually need.
Actually, I am just staring at the ceiling—counting every dot
I just need to learn when to stop.

This is the life of a procrastinator—life is good until the end
When everything starts piling up and your in need of a good friend.
I guess there’s nothing to it—we just do nothing at all
Just call me super procrastinator…I’ll come to your call!

Later.

Tee hee

August 31, 2010

I write like
Cory Doctorow

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Nuts.

August 21, 2010

First week of Year 4 of med school. And most of the time it went like this.

Me: Salam/hello/selamat pagi, saya Hannah pelajar perubatan kat sini, blablablablabla…
Victimhariini: Oh, student ke? Tahun berapa?
Me: Tahun emm..paat..?

Truly, it’s a bit scary to admit that you’re a fourth year. Which means that you’ll probably be graduating in a year and a half, if all goes well. A year and a half to turn into professional doctor material, which I am not.

Med school for me is just another school. I don’t have delusions of becoming The World-Renowned Clinician, unlike some. Truthfully, I never wanted to be one. I like medicine, but only the science part of it. I’m still making up my mind whether I should finish my housemanship when I graduate or just default and go where my interests lead me. Which are research, lab work, and NO PATIENT CONTACT WHATSOEVER. Oh, and also to start my own karaoke booth so I can sing to my heart’s content. “Boss mana? Bilik 3246, rock hari ni.” Haha.

Med school is also figured in my mind as ‘the last chance to milk Papa’s bank account dry’.

Anyway, my first week in Gynae in UMMC. Got introduced to Group 11 & 12. Still have mixed feelings about the group. I like the individuals in it, but I don’t feel the awesome group dynamics we had in Group 4. Right now it sorta feels like I’m a member of four different groups, which I really really don’t like. At all.

I may not be a very vocal person, but I don’t like it when you pen me somewhere just because of who I am, like kambing.

Makes me feel like jumping up during tutorial and sing this song:

Ass-smacking and en-pointe twirling included.

Hope next week will be better 🙂

Limericks

August 18, 2010

Luetic Lament by Isaac Asimov

There was a young man of Back Bay
Who thought syphilis just went away.
And thought that a chancre
Was merely a canker
Acquired in lascivious play.

Now first he got acne vulgaris,
The kind that is rampant in Paris
It covered his skin
From forehead to shin
And now people ask where his hair is.

With symptoms increasing in number,
His aorta’s in need of a plumber
His hear is cavorting
His wife is aborting
And now he’s acquired a gumma.

Consider his terrible plight –
His eyes won’t react to the light
His hands are apraxic.
His gait is ataxic.
He’s developing gun-barrel sight.

His passions are strong as before
But his penis is flaccid, and sore.
His wife now has tabes
And sabre-shinned babies
She’s really worse off than a whore.

There are pains in his belly and knees.
His sphincters have gone by degrees.
Paroxysmal incontinence,
With all its concomitants,
Brings on quite unpredictable pees.

Though treated in every known way,
His spirochetes grow day by day.
He’s developed paresis,
Converses with Jesus,
And thinks he’s the Queen of the May.

H: lol, fun!

4th year!

August 9, 2010

I got my result today, so I’m officially a fourth year now! Makes me want to go ‘ho yeah!’ every few minutes. Wonder how long this high is going to last, but hey, enjoying it while it does.

My first clinical year was interesting, sometimes fun, boring at times, scary, nerve-wrecking, repetitive etc. etc. Highlights? Uh, um, let me think. I think I covered most of it in my previous posts, but I didn’t write one for peadiatrics or medicine#2 right? So here goes:

Peads: The patients were a lot of fun, but the lecturers were scaarryyy… I thought I would be consistently sad and morbid in the kids ward, but no. The sick kids? They’re not really that sick anyways. So we ended up playing and talking with them most of the time. With the parents’ permission of course. I ended up being a babysitter quite a few times. Ha. But there were still the really sick ones, the syndromic ones, the ones who had tubes inside every hole of the body… those were the sad ones. But overall, I like kids. They’re fun.

Med: I never really liked general medicine. Dr BK Lim was nice. The end.

Haha. Bias much, Hannah?

Anyway, I think finals made the whole batch turn crazy. And we (me, Azira, Ika & Kalai) concluded it with a very satisfying round of karaoke, even though I have no love for Red Box.

And now a special dedication for my friends in Group 4 who went through thick and thin together with me the whole year. You guys were the best!

I love you guys!

Group 4 is the awesome!

Photo credits to Ya Hwee & Tika Boo.

Bye bye 3rd year! Bye bye Klang! Bye bye gagaks! So long! Farewell! Good riddance! I hope I’ll never see you again!

And so I’m back in UM. 2 months of electives cum holiday in Kubu Gajah, and then back to clinical life 😉

EDIT: My post-exam holiday has been cut short. Or postponed. To December. Back to school on Monday 😦

Ebooks?

July 29, 2010

This post (essay? article? rant?) is suited for them pirates. You know who you are. I personally like it because there’s a mention of Neil Gaiman! *fangirls*

THE COPYRIGHT THING
by Cory Doctorow, author of Little Brother (free here!)

The Creative Commons license at the top of this file probably tipped you off to the fact that I’ve got some pretty unorthodox views about copyright. Here’s what I think of it, in a nutshell: a little goes a long way, and more than that is too much.

I like the fact that copyright lets me sell rights to my publishers and film studios and so on. It’s nice that they can’t just take my stuff without permission and get rich on it without cutting me in for a piece of the action. I’m in a pretty good position when it comes to negotiating with these companies: I’ve got a great agent and a decade’s experience with copyright law and licensing (including a stint as a delegate at WIPO, the UN agency that makes the world’s copyright treaties). What’s more, there’s just not that many of these negotiations even if I sell fifty or a hundred different editions of Little Brother (which would put it in top millionth of a percentile for fiction), that’s still only a hundred negotiations, which I could just about manage.

I hate the fact that fans who want to do what readers have always done are expected to play in the same system as all these hotshot agents and lawyers. It’s just stupid to say that an elementary school classroom should have to talk to a lawyer at a giant global publisher before they put on a play based on one of my books. It’s ridiculous to say that people who want to “loan” their electronic copy of my book to a friend need to get a license to do so. Loaning books has been around longer than any publisher on Earth, and it’s a fine thing.

I recently saw Neil Gaiman give a talk at which someone asked him how he felt about piracy of his books. He said, “Hands up in the audience if you discovered your favorite writer for free because someone loaned you a copy, or because someone gave it to you? Now, hands up if you found your favorite writer by walking into a store and plunking down cash.” Overwhelmingly, the audience said that they’d discovered their favorite writers for free, on a loan or as a gift. When it comes to my favorite writers, there’s no boundaries: I’ll buy every book they publish, just to own it (sometimes I buy two or three, to give away to friends who must read those books). I pay to see them live. I buy tshirts with their bookcovers on them. I’m a customer for life.

Neil went on to say that he was part of the tribe of readers, the tiny minority of people in the world who read for pleasure, buying books because they love them. One thing he knows about everyone who downloads his books on the Internet without permission is that they’re readers, they’re people who love books.

People who study the habits of musicbuyers have discovered something curious: the biggest pirates are also the biggest spenders. If you pirate music all night long, chances are you’re one of the few people left who also goes to the record store (remember those?) during the day. You probably go to concerts on the weekend, and you probably check music out of the library too. If you’re a member of the redhot musicfan tribe, you do lots of everything that has to do with music, from singing in the shower to paying for blackmarket vinyl bootlegs of rare Eastern European covers of your favorite deathmetal band.

Same with books. I’ve worked in new bookstores, used bookstores and libraries. I’ve hung out in pirate ebook (“bookwarez”) places online. I’m a stone used bookstore junkie, and I go to book fairs for fun. And you know what? It’s the same people at all those places: book fans who do lots of everything that has to do with books. I buy weird, fugly pirate editions of my favorite books in China because they’re weird and fugly and look great next to the eight or nine other editions that I paid fullfreight for of the same books. I check books out of the library, google them when I need a quote, carry dozens around on my phone and hundreds on my laptop, and have (at this writing) more than 10,000 of them in storage lockers in London, Los Angeles and Toronto.

If I could loan out my physical books without giving up possession of them, I would. The fact that I can do so with  digital files is not a bug, it’s a feature, and a damned fine one. It’s embarrassing to see all these writers and musicians and artists bemoaning the fact that art just got this wicked new feature: the ability to be shared without losing access to it in the first place. It’s like watching restaurant owners crying down their shirts about the new free lunch machine that’s feeding the world’s starving people because it’ll force them to reconsider their businessmodels. Yes, that’s gonna be tricky, but let’s not lose sight of the main attraction: free lunches!

Universal access to human knowledge is in our grasp, for the first time in the history of the world. This is not a bad thing.

In case that’s not enough for you, here’s my pitch on why giving away ebooks makes sense at this time and place:

Giving away ebooks gives me artistic, moral and commercial satisfaction. The commercial question is the one that comes up most often: how can you give away free ebooks and still make money?

For me for pretty much every writer the big problem isn’t piracy, it’s obscurity (thanks to Tim O’Reilly for this great aphorism). Of all the people who failed to buy this book today, the majority did so because they never heard of it, not because someone gave them a free copy. Megahit bestsellers in science fiction sell half a million copies in a world where 175,000 attend the San Diego Comic Con alone, you’ve got to figure that most of the people who “like science fiction” (and related geeky stuff like comics, games, Linux, and so on) just don’t really buy books. I’m more interested in getting more of that wider audience into the tent than making sure that everyone who’s in the tent bought a ticket to be there.

Ebooks are verbs, not nouns. You copy them, it’s in their nature. And many of those copies have a destination, a person they’re intended for, a handwrought transfer from one person to another, embodying a personal recommendation between two people who trust each other enough to share bits. That’s the kind of thing that authors (should) dream of, the proverbial sealing of the deal. By making my books available for free passalong, I make it easy for people who love them to help other people love them.

What’s more, I don’t see ebooks as a substitute for paper books for most people. It’s not that the screens aren’t good enough, either: if you’re anything like me, you already spend every hour you can get in front of the screen, reading text. But the more computerliterate you are, the less likely you are to be reading longform works on those screens that’s because computerliterate people do more things with their computers. We run IM and email and we use the browser in a million diverse ways. We have games running in the background, and endless opportunities to tinker with our music libraries. The more you do with your computer, the more likely it is that you’ll be interrupted after five to seven minutes to do something else. That makes the computer extremely poorly suited to reading longform works off of, unless you have the iron selfdiscipline of a monk.

The good news (for writers) is that this means that ebooks on computers are more likely to be an enticement to buy the printed book (which is, after all, cheap, easily had, and easy to use) than a substitute for it. You can probably read just enough of the book off the screen to realize you want to be reading it on paper.

So ebooks sell print books. Every writer I’ve heard of who’s tried giving away ebooks to promote paper books has come back to do it again. That’s the commercial case for doing free ebooks.

Now, onto the artistic case. It’s the twentyfirst century. Copying stuff is never, ever going to get any harder than it is today (or if it does, it’ll be because civilization has collapsed, at which point we’ll have other problems). Hard drives aren’t going to get bulkier, more expensive, or less capacious. Networks won’t get slower or harder to access. If you’re not making art with the intention of having it copied, you’re not really making art for the twentyfirst century. There’s something charming about making work you don’t want to be copied, in the same way that it’s nice to go to a Pioneer Village and see the oldetimey blacksmith shoeing a horse at his traditional forge. But it’s hardly, you know, contemporary. I’m a science fiction writer. It’s my job to write about the future (on a good day) or at least the present. Art that’s not supposed to be copied is from the past.

Finally, let’s look at the moral case. Copying stuff is natural. It’s how we learn (copying our parents and the people around us). My first story, written when I was six, was an excited retelling of Star Wars, which I’d just seen in the theater. Now that the Internet the world’s most efficient copying machine is pretty much everywhere, our copying instinct is just going to play out more and more. There’s no way I can stop my readers, and if I tried, I’d be a hypocrite: when I was 17, I was making mixtapes, photocopying stories, and generally copying in every way I could imagine. If the Internet had been around then, I’d have been using it to copy as much as I possibly could. There’s no way to stop it, and the people who try end up doing more harm than piracy ever did. The record industry’s ridiculous holy war against filesharers (more than 20,000 music fans sued and counting!) exemplifies the absurdity of trying to get the foodcoloring out of the swimming pool. If the choice is between allowing copying or being a frothing bully lashing out at anything he can reach, I choose the former.

——–

Hannah here. People who have been near my laptop would probably know of my not-so-secret stash of ebooks. And those who have been in my house or bedroom would probably see most of my story books lying around somewhere – on top of tables, in the closet, under the bed…etc. I love stories. I learn a whole bunch of stuff from them. One of the reasons I know all sorts of useless trivia are probably because of my story books. Just recently I learned a whole lot about forensics and Asperger’s from House Rules by Jodi Picoult *hintrecommendhint* And every time I go to a bookstore I scan the fiction section first for something I’ve already downloaded and loved. And squeal in glee whenever I find one. And count my money and take it off the rack and buy it.

So there’s a whole lot of truth in what this Doctorow guy is trying to say. Don’t hate them pirates.

And Neil Gaiman, I love you toooo.

Austronesia represent!

July 15, 2010

Simply because I found this interesting.

I smirk at the stereotypical kampung girl. Batik? Tocang? Please~ XD
And I thought coconut bras were a myth o_O

Video #2:

About time.

June 20, 2010

I remember wanting to go watch District 9 a while back but never got the chance. So now I have, and a movie that managed to make me go “Noo, Vickus!”, “Ewww, Vickus!”, “Stop, Vickus!”, “NOOOO VICKUUSSS!!” every few minutes should at least deserve a mention.

At first I was like, “not another pseudo-documentary movie….” but 5 minutes in, I was loving it.

So to those who snub certain movies just because they have aliens and conspiracies and whatnot, boo to you. You don’t know what you’re missing. I enjoyed every minute of District 9.

Seems to me I’m going to have to start going to the cinemas alone again 😀